LOCAL CREEP CREEPS CREEP

Residents of the Paul Indian Band have been warned to watch what they do, because someone else assuredly is....

It gets to the point where one can't urinate into a stand of rose bush without being eye pounded by the leering eyes of a true sociopath.

BP was lucky to make it out alive.

LATEBREAKING STORY

On Saturday August 26th, many thought it was the end of an era. Defying all experts opinons and the Mandalay Bay Sports Lounge betting line, TS managed to go through an entire stag without laying the wood to anyone.
But as they say, it ain't over 'til it's over.
"Why limit the streak to just that night?" remarked TS "If I hump her within the week it counts, and then I will take her to the wedding to hump her again"
"K" a lovely young beer bitch from Stony Plain with a penchant for Eatmore candy bars will do the honour of escorting TS to a local watering hole, and in order to keep the streak alive, then to a seedy motel.
Great work young TS, there are forces at work here a lot larger than you.

EXCITING STAG NEWS

Previously, the Times reported that The Black Dog pub had a no exotic dancers policy for renting their basement public room. We are glad to say that this is not true, and the flood gates have opened.

Unfortunately, Alberta appears to be at an all time low when it comes to the number of ladies who perform stag party *ahem* services. Apparently they have all entered into the lucrative Fort McMurray prostitution circuit. Hey, the clothes are already off, so why not?

Luckily, the Jabronii were able to fly in a special lady all the way from Campbell River BC. Her schedule was cleared right up (along with an exceedingly persistent case of Chlamydia) after a last minute trip to the Gordon Tootoosis Spa For Indigenous (rehabilitation centre) on Vancouver Island. Pearl Moosenuts' delicate combination of beauty and grace will be evident upon first glance, and her appetite for bar mat shooters is near insatiable. Please join us in welcoming her to Edmonton on the 26th of August.

Sherwin's Last Stand August 26/06 Shit Show Info

Saturaday August 26/06 8:00 PM
After the golf and the steak comes the heart of the evening. In the Black Dog Pub basement there will be several things that should be taken for certainties.

(1) Large amounts of Alcohol will be consumed.
(2) There will be NO exotic dancing, unless BP decides to pull off his pants.
(3) Several unflattering stories will be told, most of them about James.
(4) TS will endeavour to keep his Elvira streak alive. Many will help him with this.
(5) James will end up not unlike the fellow below.....

Sherwin's Last Stand August 26/06 DInner Info

Also on Saturday August 26th, the Outback Steakhouse will play a major role in celebrating James' ascent into manhood which will coincide with his head on collision versus sobriety. Join us as James orders his customary "Toilet Seat" steak in the austere surroundings provided lovingly by the good people of Australia. Where else can you enjoy fine quality food in the midst of a gigantic stereotype? Besides the Chin Kee restaurant on Stony Plain Road????
Note the Celtic detailing on these choice cuts of meat.

Sherwin's Last Stand August 26/06 Golf Info

James Sherwin, Irish member of team Jabronii will soon enter into the institution of marriage. Befitting the noble place marriage holds in the hearts of all, even moreso for young romantic James Sherwin, an equally relevant affair will take place in the weeks preceding the blessed event. Hence, Sherwin's last stand.

On August 26, various members of team Jabronii and other assorted hangers on will challenge their skills and livers to a bout at Ironhead Golf Club directly adjacent to the Paul Indian Band Reservation at lovely Lake "Frothing Chemical Spill" Wabamun.


Festivites start at 11:30 on that fateful morning. Bring your own clubs, sunscreen and a case of beer for the mother in law....as we prepare to ROCK THE RESERVATION!

STRANGE APPEARANCES

Members of the Jabronii were startled to learn of the massive amounts of Ninja Boots native to the Drumheller Alberta area. One couldn't take in an interactive display at the Tyrrell Museum or wander the desolate cliffs above the Hoodoos without running into several examples of this unusual trend.

"I guess you had to be there" opined TS after snapping a photograph of one of the boots for posterity. "The amount of Ninjas around here are distracting me from my game of Chopstick, Rice and Noodle, I forgot that nothing beats Chopstick!"

Jabronii Times officials have also learned that large quantities of boots can be found near rural Alberta towns province wide, and lululemon apparel boutiques.