EXCITING STAG NEWS

Previously, the Times reported that The Black Dog pub had a no exotic dancers policy for renting their basement public room. We are glad to say that this is not true, and the flood gates have opened.

Unfortunately, Alberta appears to be at an all time low when it comes to the number of ladies who perform stag party *ahem* services. Apparently they have all entered into the lucrative Fort McMurray prostitution circuit. Hey, the clothes are already off, so why not?

Luckily, the Jabronii were able to fly in a special lady all the way from Campbell River BC. Her schedule was cleared right up (along with an exceedingly persistent case of Chlamydia) after a last minute trip to the Gordon Tootoosis Spa For Indigenous (rehabilitation centre) on Vancouver Island. Pearl Moosenuts' delicate combination of beauty and grace will be evident upon first glance, and her appetite for bar mat shooters is near insatiable. Please join us in welcoming her to Edmonton on the 26th of August.