NATURE

Calgary area residents have been notified to be on the lookout for this escaped lunatic. As yet unnamed, officials have gathered relatively little info as to his identity or motives. All they have come up with is an affinity towards french Canadian culture as evidenced by his wearing of the defunct Montreal Expos chapeau, and his carrying off of Quebec native MA.

Locals have been advised to steer clear of any tracks featuring Gold Bond medicated powder, or Brewhouse Pilsener.